


Pull Me Out of the Spiral

by toxicsunflower



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas, Azriel - Fandom
Genre: Addiction, Autumn court, Dawn Court, Fanfiction, Illyrian, Multi, Night Court - Freeform, Rhysand - Freeform, Spring Court, Summer Court, Troublemaker - Freeform, Winter Court, day court, feyre - Freeform, gianna - Freeform, nicotine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26288269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicsunflower/pseuds/toxicsunflower
Summary: 24 year old Gianna is the daughter of the High Lord of the Dawn Court, Thesan, and her mother is an illyrian warrior. She has been sheltered from the world, made sure to be kept safe from the clutches of enemies. Her traumatic childhood has shaped her character in many ways, and when she meets Azriel, her life is changed in many ways.
Relationships: Azriel/Gianna, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 32
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So some notes about this story!!  
> I originally said that this would be 10 years after the war of hybern, but that doesn't make sense with my timeline, so this is taking place about 2 years after the war

Cries of pain filled the air, and Thesan could do nothing to help. Could do nothing as the mother of his child gave birth without the help of healers, without the help of remedies or medicines. Fae births were extremely difficult, but a High Fae and Illyrian birth was even harder. Her pale hand gripped his, almost cracking the bones inside. Thesan just gritted his teeth. Sweat was running down her forehead, tears running down her cheeks. "Come on baby, you can do this. Keep going, your almost there." With a gut wrenching scream, she pushed one more time, and baby cries filled the air. Thesan kept holding her hand, wiping away the sweat from her hand. The only person who was helping them was Helion, the high lord of the day court. He gripped the baby, Thesan's daughter, and wiped away the fluids and blood. "Let me hold her. Please." She said, her voice soft but strong. She held her daughter, looking at her with adoration in her eyes. "Gianna, her name. Gianna." She held her daughter for a couple more moments. She turned her head to Thesan, "Please take care of her. Don't let Amarantha ruin her." Thesan's heart sank. "What are you talking about? Hold on, I can heal you." She simply shook her head. "You know you will kill yourself attempting to heal me." When Amarantha had stolen the powers of the High Lords, Thesan had been affected the hardest. Barely able to heal simple things. She turned back to her daughter one more time. "I love you." She was still stroking her baby when her hand went limp, her eyes glassy. Tears ran down Thesan's cheek. Helion closed her eyes softly. He turned towards Thesan, his eyes glassy. "We have to protect this, we have to make sure Amarantha never hears about this child. 

And they did. Nobody ever knew the heir to the dawn court existed. Even after Amarantha died, Thesan kept the child a secret for 11 more years.


	2. The Princess is Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Gianna is grown, the age of 24, which is the same age as Nesta i think.   
> TIMELINE  
> She was born 21 years before amarantha died  
> The war lasted about 1 year, so she would have turned 22 years  
> And she was kept hidden for about 2 more years after that, making her age 24
> 
> ALSO!!!  
> Don't be fooled, this is a SLOW BURN story. It's going to be detailed and long because there are chapters where we jump into her backstory, which is crucial to getting to know her character.

I lay on my bed on my back, completely relaxed, letting the sunlight from the window illuminate and warm my face. It felt so good, letting all my thoughts drift away, just listening to the birds outside, the sound of the ponds nearby. This is why I loved my home, the Dawn Court. The only movements I made were to take hits of my Juul. It was completely fine for me, as the nicotine wasn't strong enough to affect Fae and all it gave me was a little buzz and relaxation. And the smoke was satisfying.

Then suddenly, the door flew open, and I sat up in surprise. It was Helion. My relationship was really close with Helion, maybe even more than my father. ¨You do know that the whole Night Court is visiting us today, right?¨

He leaned against the doorframe, wearing his usual garb of white robes and gold jewlery on his arms.

I sighed. ¨I still don´t understand why I have to be there. You guys have kept me hidden for what, 20 years? Just tell them I exist, the end. I don't want to be there?¨ My father had to keep me a secret because of Amarantha and Hybern, and since the war had died down, and peace had become relative he had decided to bring me out. It had been about 1 1/2 years since the war of Hybern. The citizens of the Dawn Court knew I existed, but couldn't say anything about me. Literally, they were bound by life-oath. 

¨Come on, don't be like that. They are arriving in an hour. Get dressed." He pulled me off of my bed, and into a hug. ¨You can do this.¨ He kissed me on the forehead and left the room. 

An hour?? They were coming in an hour! Crap. I quickly went into the shower, letting the warm water run over me. I massaged my scalp with shampoo and conditioner and put on lavender soap. I had always used this soap since I could remember. It made me nostalgic for something I couldn't even remember. I never let anyone else use it either. It was stupid, but this soap was just special to me. 

When I got out of the shower, I dried myself with a towel, letting my body and hair dry. I had always been told I looked exactly like my mother, with shoulder length chocolate brown hair, green eyes, and her skin tone. My skin looked like most Illyrians, tan, so I could be mistaken for an Illyrian if it weren't for my ears that showed I was Fae.   
I decided to leave my hair straight. The front strands of my hair were dyed blonde on each side. It was just a little quirk that I really liked. For makeup, I put a gold smokey eye with eyeliner that brought out my emerald eyes. I added a clear sheen of lip gloss on my lips and viewed myself in the mirror. It was times like these that I wished that I knew my mother. She could help me with things like this, encourage me, be there for me. But, she was dead. My nails were a simple white gel manicure, and my fingers were bare except for a ring on each index finger. It was a plain white band, with a miniscule garnet. 

For my dress, I decided to go with a deep emerald that brought out the color in my eyes. My dress had thin straps and was floor length with a small train. I wore some white strappy heels and I was done. I looked at the time, and it was about 5 minutes past the hour. As I walked downstairs, I thought of my mother again. The only trace I had of her were pictures. Pictures of her and my father, where her radiant smile lit up the whole room. And the way my father looked at her, it was as if he was looking at the very thing that made him exist. The light in his eyes that never quite appeared the same. Sure he was with his lover now, and cared for him very much, but I doubt anything could ever make him feel the way she did again.

As I walked downstairs, I saw my father in a radiant power blue suit, with his lover by his side, still clad in battle armour. I doubt Keirnan ever took off his battle armour. 

Helion was also there, in his white robes, sitting down on the table, relaxed. Next to him sat the High Lord of the Night Court who was wearing a black suit with silver embroidery. Just looking at him, he radiated power. Next to him sat the High Lady, who was also wearing a black dress that accentuated her body. She just radiated moonlight. The way she looked at her mate made me yearn for something like that. Made me want someone who could look at me like that, who could love me that way. 

I saw a woman next to the High Lady, someone I didn't know. She had a beautiful angular face, and looked somewhat like the High Lady. Was she her sister? I noticed she had a beautiful engagement ring on her finger. It was a silver band, set with an emerald cut ruby. Around the ruby were tiny diamonds, like a border. 

I entered the dining area, and the talking and chatter ceased. My father looked at me and smiled. He got up, and started walking towards me. I could see the confusion on everyone's faces, probably wondering who this was. I put my slender hand in his, and he said, ¨Everyone, I would like to introduce my daughter, Gianna Marisol." I smiled, and said, ¨Itś a pleasure to meet you, everyone." Me and my father sat at the table, my chair right next to him. 

I looked at the other people at the table, confusion and shock still on their faces.   
¨D-daughter? Thesan, YOU HAD A DAUGHTER?" The High Lady said, betrayal on her face. I knew that the Night court and the Dawn court were very close allies. 

¨And you never told us! How could you ever stoop so low.¨ The High Lord said, staring down my dad.

Thesand looked in aghast. ¨I did what I had to do. Did you all forget about Amarantha? What she would do to her? And then Hybern happened. It wasn't safe for her. ¨ He said, looking at everyone pleadingly

¨Itś been 18 months since the war has ended, Thesan.¨ A woman wearing a beautiful red dress, sipping on her wine. I didn't know who she was, but clearly part of the Night Court. 

¨And the war that Hybern started began less than a year after Amarantha was killed. What were we supposed to do.¨ Helion said, his eyes hard.

¨And it's not like I was trapped in this castle. Everyone in the Dawn Court knows that I exist, and has known for a long time.¨ I said. Everyone turned to me, like they just remembered I was actually here. 

¨Are you adopted?¨ Cassian asked me abruptly. 

I almost choked on my wine. ¨Adopted? What do you mean?¨

Cassian looked over towards my father and Kiernan. ¨Well, you know.¨ My face turned red.

Thesan sighed exhaustedly. ¨There was a woman before Kiernan. She died while giving birth.¨ Kiernan said nothing, just continued to eat. 

¨Ah. I see.¨ Cassian said. The woman next to him, the one with the ring, sighed. ¨Let me introduce myself. My name is Nesta Archeron, and this is my fiancé Cassian.¨

¨It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Archeron.¨ I said, with a smile. 

¨Oh please, call me Nesta. Meet my sisters, Elain and Feyre." 

¨I´m Feyre. It's so nice to meet you.¨ The High Lady of the Night Court said with a warm smile. 

¨And I´m Elaine, and this is my mate Lucien.¨ Elain was wearing a pretty, flowy pink dress with a flowers woven into her hair. Lucien, her mate had long auburn hair, and one eye missing. The other eye was gold, and there was a scar running down his cheek. Even if Elain hadn't told me that her and Lucien were mates, I would have figured it out. They had such a unique, bond that radiated love. 

¨Azriel. Spymaster for the Night Court.¨ A deep voice resonated in the room. I looked over to where I heard the voice and saw the most beautiful man I had ever seen before. His deep blue eyes that seemed to look straight into your soul, swimming with shadows. He was dressed in the same suit as the High Lord, without the embroidery. Even though he looked unarmed, I knew there were blades hidden everywhere. He had a very faint stubble, which made him a hundred times more attractive. 

¨Azriel stop! Youŕe scaring the poor girl.¨ The woman with the red dress said. I frowned slightly. I wasn't scared. ¨I´m Morrigan. Azriel loves to act all hard and mysterious but he's really just a softie.¨

I laughed. ¨It's so great to meet you all.¨

¨Are you going to take over the Dawn Court?¨ Cassian inquired, as he speared a piece of steak. 

¨No, I don't think I want to do that. Commander of the Armies would probably work better for me, honestly. The diplomatic things are all so boring.¨

¨Did you train here?¨ Morrigan asked, as she drank more wine. I think that had been all she consumed since she came here.

¨No, I trained with Helion. He came over and taught me everything I know now.¨ I said, looking around the table. Feyre and Rhysand were talking with Thesan, Elain and Lucien were talking amongst themselves, and Azriel was leaning on his chair, not saying anything. 

Helion jumped into the conversation. ¨Speaking of me, the offer still stands.¨ He said, looking at Cassian, Azriel and Mor.

Nesta put a hand on Cassian´s arm. ¨Unfortunately, he's a bit busy.¨

Helion just grinned. ¨You can join, the more the merrier.¨

¨What are you guys talking about?¨ I asked, confused. All of them looked at me. Helion laughed. ¨Nothing, just a party.¨ 

The rest of the evening went smoothly, and it was very fun. I became very close with Nesta, as she was the age as me. I did have friends in the Dawn Court but it was so different meeting people from the Night Court. Maybe the most entertaining part of the night was listening to how Cassian and Nesta got together. Nesta and Cassian were clearly made for eachother. She was the ice to his fire. However, no matter who was talking, my mind always went to Azriel. Azriel and his deep, sensual voice and electric blue eyes. I doubt though, he was single. Looking like him, it would be quite hard to not find someone.  
...

Azriel sat in his seat, not participating in the conversation as usual. He sent his shadows out, scouting the halls, making sure nothing was amiss. Out of all the visits to the various courts, he enjoyed the Dawn Court the most. Just the sheer beautivity of it captivated him. It was very different from where he was, the shadows of the Night Court.   
As he watched everyone at the table, his eyes kept drifting back towards her. Her sparkling emerald eyes held something much deeper than what was on the surface. He had seen enough to recognize it.

When Mor told him that she preferred girls, he wasn’t heartbroken, it gave him closure. Closure to the opening he had held for 500 years. It has been 2 years since, and he never found anyone else. Of course there was the occasional hook-up but those were in lands far away. Where no one knew his name. 

Hardly a night went by, that he didn’t remember the war. Cassian’s groans of pain, as he lay dying on the field, with Nesta’s body over him. Cassian’s wings being shredded apart, as the most horrible scream of pain resonated in the room. The arrow in his own chest, killing him slowly. 

And everynight, he lay there, getting himself drunk in misery.

But when she looked at him, it felt like he was seeing the sun for the first time. Her radiant smile that lit up a room, and the pure aura of her, so stark in contrast to Azriels.   
And it was times like these, he had to remind himself that he was an illegitimate child, with no title to his name. High Fae, like her, deserved to be with someone better.   
They were talking about Velaris, when Nesta chimed in said, “I can give you a tour of Velaris. It’s such a beautiful city.”

Gianna smiled and said, “I would love that. It’s going to be so nice going out of the Dawn Court for once.”

It was then that Azriel heard the groan of a bowstring being pulled back and the snap of an arrow being released in the air. He got up as fast as he could, taking out his knife and sending hurtling through the air. The knife cleanly cut the arrow in half, and Cassian had disappeared, no doubt tracking down the perpetrator of the attack. And that all happened in less than 5 seconds. 

Gianna stood up, a hand on her chest and her eyes wide. 

“Lock down the palace.” Thesan ordered it to Kiernan.

Azriel would never forget the sharp fear that coursed through him when he saw the arrow spinning towards Gianna. And it wasn’t an ordinary arrow either. It was laced with faebane.

Helion gingerly picked up a broken piece of the arrow. “Faebane.” He said, confirming Azriel’s suspicions.

Cassian returned, his hair disheveled. “The asshole winnowed away. I searched every part of the palace, and Kiernan’s scouts reported nobody on the grounds and roof.”  
Thesan slumped down in his chair, rubbing a hand over his temples. “Who and why?” 

Feyre responded, “I doubt it was anyone from the Dawn Court, I’m thinking maybe one of Hybern’s still loyal followers?”

Azriel knew it couldn’t be that. He had eradicated every last one of them. “It wasn’t them, I killed them all. It has to be someone from the human lands that somehow got here.”  
Lucien returned to the room, “I winnowed Elaine back to Velaris. Amren put up stronger wards around the whole city.”

“Why did they want to kill you?” Nesta said, directing the question towards Gianna.

“I don’t know, it’s not like I'm a danger to anyone. The only powers I have are healing.” She replied, her voice pretty steady for someone who was this close to death.   
“Did they want to eradicate the heir to the Dawn Court?” Morrigan mused. 

“I’ve already said I’m never becoming a High Lady.” 

“No one outside of the Dawn Court knows that besides us.” Cassian said, his body tense, standing in front of Nesta, blocking harm.

“It could be Julian.” Helion said, as he disposed of the arrow carefully. 

“No, he’s with Miriam and Drakon now.” Rhysand responded.

“I think Gianna should stay with us. Whoever wanted to kill Gianna clearly could get in the palace easily. The wards on Velaris are impenetrable.” Feyre said, her tattooed hands on the back of the chair. 

Velaris. She would be in Velaris. 

“That’s probably a good idea. We should get you out of here as fast as you can.” Thesan said.

“Azriel, Cassian go fly over and test the wards. Alert Amren that we’re coming.”

Azriel left the room, taking flight to Velaris. As he entered the city of dreams, he couldn’t help but feel maybe something was finally going right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love your feedback and constructive criticism is always wanted and needed!!  
> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, if you guys like this story, leave a comment or kudos! Those inspire me to write more content everyday!

The first thing Gianna noticed about Velaris were the stars. How the stars shone upon the city, lighting up the dreams of the dreamers. How they so starkly contrasted against the inky night sky. The whole city was just so beautiful.

Nesta had winnowed me to Velaris, I knew how to winnow, I just didn't know where to winnow. Cassian and Nesta had their own house in Velaris, a two story victorian style house, with a big yard in the back. They had stayed in the house for about 2 months now, and before that, Nesta had her own apartment in Velaris. Everyone was staying in the Estate that Rhys had brought for Feyre for her birthday, however. It wasn't that much of an outrageous gift, but then again, I was a High Lord's daughter. The estate was beautiful, it had stables, and a huge garden, filled with all types of flowers and plants. Elain, who I heard was really good at gardening, took care of the garden with the groundskeeper. 

Nesta led me into the estate, and the first thing that hit me was how cold it was. I rubbed my hands on my arms in an attempt to keep warm, goosebumps popping up everywhere.

"Do you have something for me to wear? It's freezing here." My dress, with it's thin material and thin straps did nothing to keep us warm. 

"Of course. Just use whatever clothes I have until we go shopping. I don't know how long you'll be staying here." Nesta took me to her room, which was spacious and grand. The bed was huge, and when I mean huge, I mean huge. Nesta caught me staring at the bed, and said. "Cassian's wings. He likes stretching them out and night." That explained it. 

Nesta opened her closet, revealing a wide assortment of male and female clothes, most of Nesta's dresses were simple and modest, and she still looked ethereal in each one. She was sorting through her closet when I saw a pair of handcuffs on the nightstand next to the bed. I held them up and smirked. 

"Nesta, you forgot to put those away from last night." A deep male voice said. It was Cassian, he just entered the room. The tall general entered the room with a smile on his face, his hair loose. He wore a simple shirt and pants, his wings tucked back. He sat on the bed, spreading out his wings. Nesta turned out, a pile of clothes in her hand, strands of her hair coming out of her bun. She noticed the handcuffs in my hands, and her face remained impassive. 

She groaned. "Just put them somewhere, Cassian." I handed the cuffs to Cassian, who just tossed them on the bed. Nesta turned to me, "Here are some clothes, these should work for you." I was the same size as Nesta, my breasts maybe a size bigger. I kept in shape, but I had natural curves. 

"Thanks." I took the clothes and left the room quickly, not because I didn't want to be near Nesta, but because the look in Cassian's eyes was not for me. It was then I remembered I didn't know where I would be staying. I wandered the halls of the estate, looking for someone to help me. I decided to take an empty room, and just sleep there. I looked at the clothes that Nesta gave me and realized that however modest Nesta may be in her normal clothes, her night clothes were very different.

The nightgown she gave me was more of a slip then a nightgown. It came up to my mid-thigh with lace at the neckline and the edge. I lay on the bed, just relaxing there, when someone burst into my room for the second time today. Except this time it was Feyre and Mor. They were wearing casual night clothes, much different than the clothes I wore. 

"You can't just go to sleep yet. We've made plans!" Mor said, excitement glimmering in her eyes.  
"Today is very important. This night can cause literal destruction." Feyre said, as she walked into my room.

I just looked at them, my mouth slightly open.  
"Destruction?" I asked, baffled

"Yes! Destruction. It's so fun!" Morrigan said. 

I got up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"We're playing monopoly!" Feyre said, turning an eye towards my clothes. "What on earth are you wearing?"

I shrugged, "Nesta gave me these."

"You can't just wear that to monopoly night. I'll get you some clothes." Mor said. She walked over to the closet in the room, and took out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. 

I put them on, the cotton a relief to the itchy lace of the nightgown.

“How on earth can monopoly cause destruction.” I asked. I had played monopoly before, but it was usually a polite game with my dawn court friends, which usually ended up taking too long so we just abandoned it. 

Mor and Feyre exchanged a look. “When Rhysand got Nesta’s final railroad, you should have seen the fight between them. Nesta felt very deeply betrayed and threatened Rhysand by telling him she was abandoning him and going to the Spring Court.” Feyre said.

I laughed, as we walked out of the room. “It must be nice having people to spend time with.” I said, wistfully. My friends in the Dawn Court were very nice, but always guarded. They could never joke around, or let loose with me. There was always the hierarchy of power. But looking at this group, everyone loved each other, and treated each other in equal. 

We went down the stairs, and I heard Feyre and Rhysand arguing.

“You were the banker LAST TIME!” 

“AND I DON’T STEAL MONEY!”

“IT WAS ONCE! ONE TIME FEYRE. I HAD TO PAY RENT, WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO?”

“Time to break this up.” Mor said. She swept into the room and plucked the bankers materials from Feyre hands. 

“I will be the banker. You are the High Lady and acting like a child. And don't even get me started on you, Rhysand. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Mor started organizing the money precisely.

The board was bigger than a usual one, considering the number of people playing. I sat on the side with the pinks and oranges, and Amren sat next to me. The moment she sat next to me, the hairs on my arms rose. Even if she was Fae now, power trickled out of her, weaving in and out. 

She clearly noticed my stiffness and said, “Relax girl, I won’t bite you.” She smiled slowly, her sharp teeth slipping over her lips. I gave a nervous smile. 

“Where are Nesta and Cassian?” Rhysand asked, leaning against the couch, legs sprawled on the floor. Was i just supposed to say that they were fucking? At that moment, Nesta rushed into the room, hair clearly put up in a quick attempt. She smoothed out her clothes as she sat down, but her face gave a trace of what had gone down. Cassian trailed into the room, the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, and a lazy grin on his face. 

As More dispersed the money, I kept glancing at Azriel. His dark, feathery wings were resting on the coach, his body relaxed. I saw the lines of his stomach through his shirt, and wondered how it would feel to have my hands running up and down his body. My face warmed at the thought and I cast my eyes down. 

There was something about him, his darkness, the quiet that occupied my mind all day. The intricate pattern of scars on his hand, that told a dark story. His shadows, tendrils of which would sweep in and out of places, bringing a story with them

I wondered if he knew of mine. The delusional, crazy life I lived. The days passed in a muggy haze, the screaming and crying. The scars running down my body, writing a dark, twisted script of hate. 

I made myself think of something else. Starfall. Starfall in Velaris was happening in a week, and it would be one of the most beautiful things apparently.  
“What token do you want to be?” Feyre asked, holding out tokens for me to choose from. I chose the ship, taking the small metal object in my hand. 

I put it on the “GO” space, where the other tokens sat. 

I got the first railroad, much to the disappointment of Cassian. I sent him a sly smile as I took the title deed and he stuck his tongue out at me. 

We were 15 minutes in when the first argument happened. “NO! Give it, STOP BEING UNFAIR!”

“Feyre, give him his rent. You landed on his square.” Azriel said, irritation and amusement in his voice.

“HE IS A CRIMINAL! He is in JAIL, Azriel. JAIL!” Feyre said, clutching on to her stack of money.

“You have to give him his money, that is the rules.” 

“IS THIS WHO WE ARE? WE HARBOR CRIMINALS NOW?” Feyre said, glaring at Azriel.

Azriel stared back at her, unfazed. “That's the RULES.” He said, firmly.

Rhysand just stared at them gleefully, watching the fight between them go down. 

Feyre eventually relented and gave Cassian the rent money, with a murderous look on her face.

I collected the next two railroads, getting three in all. The last one I needed was Pensylvannia, and I would get it. 

As of now, Feyre owned all the red properties, and had built three houses. Azriel had Park Place and needed Boardwalk, and if he got Boardwalk we were all screwed. Morrigan owned two of the green properties, and a light blue.

Nesta had complete control over the yellows, making it a dangerous place to be. It was Rhys’s turn to go, and he was on the Just Visiting spot and if he rolled a five, he would take the only railroad I didn’t have. 

He let the dice drop, and my heart sank. He had rolled a 5. I turned to him with a pleading expression on my face.

“Please, please don’t buy it. I’ll do anything, I just need the last railroad, please.” I was the daughter of a High Lord, and here I was, begging at the knees of someone else. Over a very important matter, of course. 

He grinned evilly. “This is exactly what you deserve for stealing my last orange. All I needed was one orange. And you took it. We can do a trade. The orange for the railroad.” He looked at my stack of Title Deed cards. 

I looked at the railroad, then the orange spot. If he got the orange color set, the most landed on set in the whole board, and built houses, it would be terrible. 

“Keep the railroad, you oversized bat.” I said. 

It was Azriels turn now. He rolled the dice, and landed a 11. We all watched in horror as he began moving his token, to Boardwalk. He grinned. 

“You guys may as well just give up now.” He said, as he paid for his property and 3 houses.  
We stared at him, our expressions aghast. 

The night ended with Azriel winning, a fight between Cassian and Feyre, and Rhysand leaving the room with sore-loser syndrome. I smiled to myself, as I thought, I could get used to this. I looked up and saw Azriel looking at Mor with such tenderness in his eyes. 

I quietly left the room, and towards my bedroom, with a sinking feeling in my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive Criticism is always needed and welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

Today, I was going to visit Velaris. The beautiful small city, filled with quaint shops, marketplaces, and villages. I got and dangled my legs off the edge of the bed. I thought of my father, how worried he must be to have me away from him. I personally liked the space, the freedom of being outside of the Dawn Court for the first time in my life.

I walked to the bathroom, a spacious place with a big bath and rows of shampoos and soaps. The edge of the bathtub was lined with scents and bubbles. This was nice, similar to what I had at home. I slid my shorts and underwear down and pulled off my shirt and bra. I stepped into the tub, the warm water relief to the cold temperature of the room. I slid my whole body in, relaxing. 

I applied a bit of rose scent into the water, letting the aroma envelop me. I closed my eyes and basked in the water, light from the window above the tub warming my face. Last night had been fun, getting to know them all better. My heart became dull when I remembered how Azriel looked at Mor. Such tenderness and care, he pined for her. I didn’t realize how much it would hurt until now. 

I had a boyfriend in the Dawn Court, Julian. I remembered him every day. His smile, his laugh, how he would make me laugh until my sides hurt. How his presence calmed the room, his love and fascination for everything the most precious thing in the world. He was the oldest of 3 siblings, and his parents had died when he was younger. He loved them more than anything.

I remembered our last conversation.

“Take care of them.” He said, cupping my face in his hands. He was dressed in his battle gear, swords strapped to his back.  
“Don’t say that, you’ll come back. And then you come back, we’re all going to have a big party for you.” I whispered, the words barely unable to come out.   
¨And you´re going to make a cake for me, with my name on it. Then I´m going to blow out the candles and make a wish.¨  
I nodded, a tear slipping out. ¨I love you.¨   
He looked at me and smiled. It was one of those wistful smiles, the ones so full of love, it was as if that much love could never fit in the earth. The sunset set a golden shadow over his face, his brown hair illuminated.   
¨And then there were two.¨ He kissed me on the forehead, his lips leaving a permanent mark on above my brow.   
He picked up his bag and disappeared into the horizon, his shoulders set as if the war would be fighting him.   
I sank to my knees, trying to say his name, but all that came out was a hoarse whisper. It was as if I was physically incapable of making a sound. My hand was outstretched as if he could grasp it one more time.   
A tear slid down my cheek as I leaned my head against the wall behind the tub. My heart, it was so, so heavy.

I slipped into a white sundress coming just above my knees. I let my hair down, pinning the blonde side strands with a pin with small sapphires at the ends. I was to meet Morrigan and Feyre outside. They were such nice, genuine people. I feel like Mor could be bitchy at times, however. I walked down the stairs of the estate, looking at the paintings lining the walls. They were of beautiful streams and rivers, of rose bushes and thorns. One at the end of the hall caught my attention. It was depicting a cauldron, no not a cauldron. The Cauldron. It overlooked a field of soldiers, and The Cauldron shot out rays of death. The soldiers on the field were half dust and half terror. I reached up to touch the painting and immediately flinched away. I couldn't touch it, I was repulsed. 

¨Gianna, are you okay?¨ Cassian said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. I brought my hands back to my sides, forcing myself to even my breathing. 

¨I´m fine.¨ But the general didn´t miss anything. He looked at the horrendous painting, his face turning grave. 

“It never leaves your mind. The horror of it. As if it’s a blight upon your heart.” He said, his eyes filled with mixed emotions. I wondered what he had lost, what he was reminded of. He gently took my shoulder, ¨We should go now. It does not do us any good to dwell on the terror of the past.¨ 

I walked down the stairs of the estate, my heels sinking into the plush carpet. I wore heels with everything, it gave me height and I just loved the way they looked. And what you wore was your mask. 

Elain and Lucien were in the kitchen, baking something, it seemed. Flour was dusting Elain´s face and Lucien had made a mess over his shirt. They were making a pastry of some sort. Elain turned towards me, putting down the bowl she was holding.

¨Gianna, try this pastry. Lucien attempted to make it, so just be warned.¨ She said with a bright smile. I sat onto the stools facing the island in the kitchen, and Lucien handed me a strawberry tart. I took a bite of it and nearly gagged onsite. The filling was so bitter, it was as if the sugar had been replaced with salt. ¨I think,¨ I coughed into my napkin, ¨that you accidentally put salt instead of sugar.¨ 

Elain gave Lucien an exasperated look. “It’s not that hard to know which ones which.¨ She lightly bonked him on the head with a pan. Lucien gave a foxy grin, making Elaine blush. I rolled my eyes. It seemed no one in this house could keep their pants on. 

Rhysand entered the room, his wings gracing the edges of the walls. “Lucien, please refrain from killing our house-guests. It would be a hell of a lot of explaining.” He took an apple from the basket on the counter and bit into it, apple juice sliding down his chin. 

“Oh, by the way, Gianna, Feyre, and Mor had to pay a visit to the Court of Nightmares. They won’t be able to take you on a tour to Velaris. Cassian and Azriel will instead.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and left the kitchen. 

Cassian entered the room after. “Come on, Marisol. We’re going to have some fun.” He said with a wink. 

Marisol? That was my middle name. How the hell did he know that. Cassian leaned close to me.   
“When your best friend is the spymaster, you learn a lot of secrets.¨ I jumped a little, turning around and jabbing him in the chest. 

“Prick,” I muttered. At that moment, tendrils of shadows entered the room, snaking around the walls, around the furniture. It was as if the shadows were determined to find some sort of life-changing piece of information in the couches. 

Azriel walked into the room, dressed in black pants and a black dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, tattoos on full display. His dagger was strapped to his waistband, blue sapphires decorating the hilt. 

We walked out of the door, and I blinked as the sunlight hit my face. There were big iron gates outside of the estate, flowers, and vines snaking up the iron bars. Hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, practically every single flower but roses. In fact, there was an absence of any red flower in the garden and gates. 

At that moment, Cassian swore. “I have to go, Devlon says there's been some sort of breach in the camps. I can handle it myself, you two continue.” Azriel simply nodded and Cassian took off, his powerful wings flapping in the air. 

Azriel pushed open the iron door, holding it open for me. I just couldn’t help but notice how nice his hands were. A silver ring lay upon his middle finger and an obsidian one on his index finger on the same hand. A blush rose to my cheeks and I ducked my head, muttering thanks to him as I stepped by. He stepped next to me, his wings tucked in. It was a bit awkward, I didn’t have anything to say to him really. We walked down a pathway with trees on both sides, the leaves starting to change color into a kaleidoscope of red, yellow, orange, and some green leaves. 

Azriel cleared his throat, his voice coming out rich and deep. “Coming close is the city legislation. The High Lady has most of her duties and work here. There are 5 other representatives for Velaris. 3 representatives from the main residential areas and there is one representative for the business and market area. The last one is an agricultural representative.¨

I started to see the marketplace, vendors stalls, and shops. “In the Dawn Court, it's too small to need representatives. Anybody who wants to come to the court and legislative sessions can just pop in.”  
We passed a cafe that smelled insanely delicious and my stomach died a bit inside. Azriel, to my embarrassment, noticed.

“We can stop here for some food if we want. I know for a fact Lucien’s baking was nothing sustainable.¨ He said with a small smile on his face.

I laughed softly. “That would be nice.” We walked into the cafe, the smell of baked goods and the rich smell of something dark and bitter but at the same time good filling the air. The cafe barista, a short man with potbelly smiled as we came in. 

“Welcome, Azriel and you are…? I’ve owned this cafe for 37 years and there isn’t a face in Velaris that I haven’t seen before.” He said, arranging something on the counter.

“I just came here from the Dawn Court, actually. My name’s Gianna.” I said, reaching over a hand for him to shake. He shook it warmly, smiling. 

“I’m Louis. You guys get yourself a place to sit, and I’ll come by in a bit.” He walked over to the kitchen in the back. 

Azriel led me to a table at the corner of the cafe, a booth. We sat across from each other. I noticed the scars on his hands. White and rough they were not bad enough to disfigure the shape of his fingers and hand but they marred the surface. I wanted to reach out and feel them, a basic instinct of mine because of my healing nature. 

AZRIEL  
I noticed her staring at my scars, not with shallow curiosity but with an analyzing nature as if she could try and fix it. She has healing powers, but even if she could heal these, I would never let her. The scars were a reminder of the bitter, angry memories of my childhood. A reminder of how the shadows came to me, took me into their dark, deceptive folds. She looked up at me, her hands slightly reaching forward as if she wanted to touch them.

“How did you get these scars?” She asked, leaning back against the chair. Her brown hair was swept up with sapphire pins, the color identical to my siphons. She was so beautiful. The shadows around me grew darker, swirling around, being the abscess of light. I willed them to disappear, to go away. 

“My step-brothers. I was the bastard son of a high standing Illyrian lord. I lived with him, my half brothers, and stepmom for eleven years. I was kept in a cell with no light or windows. My half brothers decided to see what would happen with my quick healing and oil and fire. They poured oil into my hands and lit them on fire.” I said, looking at her. She didn’t look at me with pity, something I had never seen before. Silence passed between us, until she said, with a solemn face, 

“One of your scars looks like a fish.” She said, her mouth twitching as if she was trying hard not to smile. That was the most bizarre thing someone had ever said to me in my 568 years of existence. And yet, I laughed. I laughed. Something I hadn’t done in a long time, a pure laugh of undiluted joy. 

“Which one?” I asked, looking down at my hands. She reached out a slender hand, placing her finger on the middle of my right hand. Her hand was warm and comforting. It reminded me of a phantom touch, something I had felt a long, long, time ago. 

“This one. See, that’s a little tail. It looks a bit like a koi fish, doesn't it?” She tapped it with her finger, the ring on her index finger catching the light and gleaming. 

I took a closer look, trying to look to see if it looked like a fish. It did, actually. I would never unsee it now. Just like that, her hand turned cold. Colder than the snow in Kallias’s land, the complete opposite of the warmth I had felt just seconds ago. She drew her hand quickly as if she sensed the cold too. 

She placed her hands in her lap, her eyes turning hard and at the same time sad. “I’m not so unlike you, Azriel.” Hearing my name on her tongue was like a symphony to my ears. 

“Shadows circle me, just invisible in contrast to yours. I was born with light and healing yes, an insurmountable amount. Give me any injury, I can heal it. But do you see that man sitting over there?” She gestured over to fit, but a short man sitting in a chair. 

Her eyes were so troubled, shadows similar to mine swimming in the depths of her irises. 

“He fought in the war and took an arrow to the stomach. He survived, clearly. But if I wanted to, I could bring back that injury, make it tenfold worse with just a flick of my wrist. I could make him choke in his own blood.” She turned to face me, her eyes lined with tears. I made my face unreadable as I processed what I just heard. She could do the same thing to me right now, she could bring back the wound I suffered when I took an arrow to the chest. She could demolish Cassian’s wings, kill him that easily. 

“I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have this burden on me. It’s too much. Too much.” A tear slipped out of her eye, and my chest tightened. I didn’t want her to feel this pain. I reached over my thumb and brushed away the tear gently. She smiled softly. 

“I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading! please leave a comment or kudos :)

**Author's Note:**

> So i did recieve a comment on this, and I wanted to say that Thesan was never specified if he was bi, pan or gay. So he does have a fling with a woman like 20 years before the present day in this story and the books. So he is with his bf or husband after this chapter.
> 
> Also, I don’t know if you guys got the lavender soap reference, but now I’m crying


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